Topic: A Beer Belly is the Same as a Soda Belly

Competency #11 Sugar and Fructose

Reference: The Bariatrician, Robert H. Lustig, September 2009

Dr. Lustig is a full professor of pediatric endocrinology at UC San Francisco. He asks the question, “How are the Atkins Diet and the Japanese Diet the same?’” One is very high protein and fat, the other is all carbs with no fat. The answer is that they both work. They work, not because they are boring or they reduce calories, but because they both exclude fructose.

The biology of fructose is becoming clear. When you eat table sugar (50% fructose) or most American processed foods that contain HFCS (high fructose corn syrup that is 55% fructose) you get a load of fructose to your liver. Fructose cannot be metabolized anywhere but in your liver and your liver does something very interesting. It breaks down fructose in a fashion very similar to alcohol, forcing your liver to make fats at almost the identical rate at which a similar amount of alcohol would do. Those fats are the damaging LDL types that not only damage your arteries and your liver, but they ship fats out to be stored to the rest of your body. Dr. Lustig elegantly shows that two slices of bread (120 calories of white carbs, all glucose) actually gets handled quite well by your body with only 1 gram or so going to bad fats in your blood. 120 calories of beer (1 glass) ends up with 40 grams of damaging fats, and a lot of damage to your liver. In addition, 120 calories of soda (1 can), or Kool-Aid, or orange juice which are sweetened with HFCS result in 40 calories of damaging fats coming out of your liver, just like with the alcohol.

We thought going on a low fat diet in America would help us lose weight. We all have avoided fats and switched to carbohydrates in which food manufacturers have put fructose as a sweetener. (Go to the grocery story and try and find a low fat yogurt that doesn’t have sugar in it, or a loaf of bread that doesn’t have HCFS in it) But fructose is not glucose. Fructose is called a sugar but is actually an “aldehyde” that is metabolized very, very differently. Its net metabolic output is fat. Bad fat. When you eat a high fructose load, you are actually eating a high fat food.

Nature supplies us with the antidote from fructose. When we eat fruit, we get fiber and antioxidants. The 6% fructose in an apple or a pear comes with abundant fiber and balanced vitamins that negate the potential problems. So fruit seems to be fine, in part because the fiber pushes the fructose down into the colon faster where its digested by bacteria to safer products, makes you feel full faster, slows down your eating and negates the bad effects.

A lot of us middle-aged folks have bellies we aren’t happy with. We may not drink beer. But we sure eat sugar. Nowhere in the world do we see bellies like we see in America. Nowhere else in the world do folks eat as much processed sugar.

WWW. What will work for me. It’s time to become a processed sugar fanatic. I’m off sugar. I’m reading labels this month like crazy. Very interesting, I’m finding that it’s not so hard to avoid the carton of fully sweetened yogurt. And I’m down a notch on the belt.

Topic: Protein Power: A Pop Quiz for You

Competency #5 The Way to Eat;  14 Superfoods

Reference: The China Study, T. Colin Campbell, PhD Benbella Books 2006

Prince Fielder, Milwaukee’s first basemen, read The China Study and became a vegetarian, as have several NFL football players. They improved their performance in doing so. You may ask the question, what on earth is an NFL player doing eating vegetables instead of steak. I thought any good NFL player worth his salt sat down and ate raw meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner because that was the only way to get “high quality protein.”

Animal foods contain “complete” protein, which is protein with all the amino acids our body cannot make. Humans can only make 12 or so of the 20 that we need. Meat provides all 20 in every form of meat. That makes it “high quality.” For that reason we have just assumed that we can’t get adequate protein from plants. Plant foods, by not being “high quality” must, therefore, be “low quality.” That’s the assumption. We also know that meat fires off the umami taste bud on our tongues. We are naturally inclined to prefer meat in the same fashion we prefer sugar. The umami taste receptors fire off serotonin, just like sugar does. Our brain gets happy with it. Does that suggest that we evolved to crave meat, just like we craved sugar? And getting it was a rare treat, just like sugar?

Colin Campbell, in his book, The China Study, discovered several principles of general nutrition around animal protein. Principle # 3, that just completely took me by surprise, was “There are virtually no nutrients in animal based foods that are not better provided by plants.” Did you know that? I didn’t. So, take the pop quiz below and see how you do.

If I provide you with 500 calories of animal based foods: equal proportions of beef, pork, chicken and whole milk versus 500 calories of equal proportions of spinach, limas, peas, potatoes and tomatoes, what do you think the difference is between the two categories: animals versus plant? Cover up the side of paper and be honest with your answers. This will “blow you away”

                                                               Plants               Animals

Cholesterol(mg)                                            0                     137

Fat (grams)                                                  4                       36

Protein (grams)                                           33                       34

Beta carotene (mcg)                              29,919                       17

Fiber (grams)                                              31                        0

Vitamin C (mg)                                          293                        4

Folate (mcg)                                           1,168                       19

Iron (mg)                                                    20                        2

Magnesium(mg)                                         548                       51

Calcium (mg)                                             545                     252

WWW: What will work for me. I’m humbled. This is an amazing table. Equal amounts of protein. This will take exploration. I need some protein. Maybe I should have some vegetables! More to come.

Topic: American Heart Association Hits a Home Run! Cut the Sugar! Eat Dog Food

Competency # 11 Sugar

Reference: Circulation August 24th 2009

Whew! Just after the Wisconsin State Fair. Not a moment too late. But that’s the only joke we’ll make about it. Sugar is a runaway problem and the American Heart Association has just come out with a landmark recommendation. Never before has such a bold move been made by a major health advocacy group. I’m really proud of the AHA.

Here are the recommendations. The average American woman should eat NO MORE THAN 100 CALORIES of sugar a day. That is just 6 teaspoons. The average American man can have 150 calories a day.

I had no idea just how little that was until I started looking at what we eat and what sneaks into our food. For example, 6 teaspoons is one third of a typical ice cream bar. It’s a glass of chocolate milk. It’s one big piece of fudge. It’s two little brownies. A tablespoon of peanut butter or a squirt of ketchup uses up a good share of your daily allowable. What does a Wisconsin State Fair cream puffs do? A funnel cake?

What’s the reason for this austerity? The scientific leadership of the American Heart Association has recognized the weight of the evidence. This newsletter has carried several of the articles they reference. For example, we have talked in detail how eating extra fructose can give you metabolic syndrome in just a few weeks. They also quoted the hypothesis that fructose is part of the mechanism behind hypertension, though they state that the studies supporting that contention are too small and not long term enough to be conclusive. In the last 30 years, we have increased our total calorie intake about 150-300 calories a day, half of which have been in the form of sugar in sweetened beverages.

They also quote many other great research studies I won’t detail here except for the consistent finding that drinking sugared drinks results in eating more calories. Our fast food folks know this. We will buy and eat more calories when we are drinking sweetened drinks. A higher intake of soft drinks is consistently associated with greater body weight, lower intake of other good nutrients, higher intake of calories all around and poor health indices.

WWW. Wow. This is a major landmark. We will be talking about this for years. I’m going to try something here. One month. No sugar. If I can make it for one month and give myself a limited goal, I can try out how good I am at practicing what I preach. I was told this week that someone who is serious about change has to first “eat their own dog food.” So, I’m going to try one month. Dog food. Thank goodness I got my cream puff in early.

Topic: Terrible Toxins 6: Hot, Hot Hot – Perflourinated Non Stick Coatings

Competency #18 TOXINS

Reference: The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

Perflourinated non-stick coatings, the short name is PFOA. Imagine a long chain of carbon atoms, just like a fatty acid. Instead of hydrogens, you substitute fluorine. Flourine makes an incredibly tight bond. It’s just about the strongest bond in nature. It never, ever, ever breaks down. This sets the record for persistence in our environment. Flourine has some nifty features. It naturally repels water, so nothing sticks. Presto chango: you’ve got Teflon, Goretex, stain-resistant carpets, stain repellent on furniture, dental floss, stiff nail polish, drapes that look clean, pet beds that don’t get stained. Anything you want to make water resistant and stain repelling, you spray with PFOAs and you have a product that people like.

But is it safe? Well, cynomolgus monkeys don’t think so. When tested with high exposures, they get excessive salivation, develop trouble breathing and eventually lose coordination and die. Because it never breaks down, PFOAs have been found in the artic in polar bears and everywhere in-between. It just takes 2% leakage in the manufacturing process for there to be some 500,000 pounds a year of the stuff leaking into our atmosphere and circulating around the globe.

Let’s get real down and dirty. Where do you get exposed the most intimately? If I told you that PROAs repel grease and water, would you be surprised to know that microwave popcorn bags are heavily lined with them? Fast food wrappers, paper plates, paper cups and individual butter serving wrappings also contain PFOAs. PFOAs are in many, many food product wrappers that we use every day. Did you know that DuPont never informed the EPA of the rise in birth defects at its plant and was fined $ 16 million for not doing so. This was largest EPA fine ever.

The EPA has negotiated a reduction in “emissions” during manufacturing, but that’s not a reduction in actual exposure. Remember, we have to have absolute proof of harm in America. We don’t have a safety model, we have an economic harm model with corporations having rights, just like humans.

WWW. What will work for me? I don’t eat popcorn in microwave bags. I don’t heat any food in any plastic microwave bags. I’m looking at all nonstick food linings I’m exposed to. I’m replacing all our non-stick cooking pots with stainless steel, cast iron, or anodized aluminum. I’m not getting the stain resistant carpeting and I’m not letting anyone spray my car with stain repellant. My shoes can get wet when I hike. They’ll dry out. Sounds like we’re turning back the clock to an earlier time. Well, we are. You should have heard the fit the chef at the last wellness conference had when asked about nonstick pans! She said, “Throw them out!” Whew. And I thought I was fussy.

Topic: Terrible Toxins: 5 Bisphenyl A: Plastics Gone Wild

Competency # 18 Environmental Toxins

Reference: Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel Sunday, August 23, 2009; The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

This is a hot topic. Headline news this week in newspapers, “Chemical Industry to Launch a Publicity Blitz to Protect Bisphenyl A.” At 6 billion pounds a year, this is not a small industry. The clear plastics that you drink your “pure water” out of, the lining of many canned vegetables and soups, eye glasses, baby bottles, dental sealant. The stuff is everywhere. It’s even in paper towels (you know those kinds that never break when they get wet…) The controversy is everywhere too.

Bisphenyl is another endocrine disrupting chemical. It leaks out of plastics. The chemical bond that makes polycarbonate is inherently unstable. With heat, the chemical bond really comes apart and bisphenyl leaches out. That may explain why boiling water will make bisphenyl leak out at 50 times the rate of cold water. What makes it interesting is that bisphenyl causes problems at very low levels because of its endocrine disrupting effect. At the very lowest of levels, it does something very unique. It gets into cells and does the oddest things. It blocks the effects of estrogen inside a cell, not outside, like most chemicals. That may explain why it has been devilishly hard to nail down.

So when the chemical industry studies bisphenyl, which it has done 13 times in the last 10 years, all 13 studies find it to be safe. When independent university labs study it, in smaller studies with very low doses, 93% of 163 studies show bisphenyl to be a problem. Interesting, isn’t it, that we get such opposite results from different parties!

Is there a consensus summary of what bisphenyl does? Yes. Low levels of bisphenyl cause normal breast cells to change, activating genes seen only in aggressive breast cancer cells. It causes a “striking increase in genes that promote cell division, increase cell metabolism, and increased resistance to drugs that usually kill cancer cells” (Dairkee Cancer Research 2008) Given pre-natally or to neonatal lab animals, it causes functional and structural changes in prostates, breasts, testes, body size, brain chemistry and behavior.

Once again, we have the dilemma of regulatory models. In Europe, a safety model now prevails. In America, we require absolute rigid proof before our agencies can regulate. To navigate this world, you have to decide for yourself. The headlines now state, “The Chemical Industry is Fighting Back.” They can delay action for years. Demanding absolute proof is a very high standard.

WWW. What will work for me. I’m trying not to drink any water from plastic bottles any more. I’m using glasses or stainless steel. We’ve changed our food storage canisters to glass. I don’t heat food in the microwave in anything but glass or ceramic containers. Now, cutting down on canned vegetables is harder. That’s my list. Yours?

Topic: Terrible Toxins 4: PBDEs

Competency # 18 Environmental Toxins

Reference: The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

PBDE’s? What on earth! Poly Brominated Diphenyl Ether, another possible persistent toxin. Bromine, attached many times to benzene rings acts like as a wonderful flame-retardant. When the substance starts to burn, the bromine gobbles up all the oxygen and literally snuffs out the fire internally. That is a cool thing. We save over 280 lives a year in America by adding flame-retardants to our products. There is a social benefit to that. Bromine is in the chlorine, fluorine and iodine family, and there is a big industry supporting its use. Discovering the property of flame retardation is part of our safety journey to making our homes safe from fire. But are PBDEs safe?

“Houston, we have a problem.” PBDEs leach out of the products that they are in. They are in stain removers, water repellants and flame-retardants. They build up in places like carpets as they leach out of computers, carpets and furniture. Tiny children, so called “rug-rats” are on the carpet all the time and their blood levels are building very rapidly. In fact, in America, we can show a doubling of the blood level of PBDEs every 2.5 years. House cats have the same problem. They spend time on the floor with the kids. Cats groom themselves and lick their fur. Kids put everything in their mouths. When we exam the level in fat tissue from liposuction patients, we find 10,000 parts per billion in the fat tissue.

Cats have suddenly developed an epidemic of hyperthyroidism. Cause unknown. Bromine is chemically closely related to iodine, which affects thyroids. We haven’t specifically found a clear connection to human problems but lab animal fetuses show problems with brain development and with muscle and movement disorders. In Sweden, they were alarmed enough to ban PBDEs and sure enough, breast milk concentrations started dropping rapidly. Volvo and IKEA removed PBDEs from all their products.

In America, we have 10 times the levels of PBDEs that there are in Europe. One study from Texas showed a 100-fold increase over European levels. Dubious distinction. Because of those concerns, the makers of PBDEs in America voluntarily withdrew two of the less used ones called OCTA and PENTA but held onto DECA. (There are about 209 different kinds and figuring out which is the worst has been a challenge.)

Currently, about 80% of PBDEs are in the plastic housings of computers and TVs. They are good flame-retardants. They can be mixed in with the plastic and hardly affect its stiffness and durability. If only it didn’t leach out! It costs about $ 4-6 extra to make a computer without using them. Many companies are voluntarily moving away from them. Apple, Dell, HP, Sony have all stopped using them. The European Union banned them as of July 1, 2008.

WWW. What Will Work for Me? You should ban them too! If you have plans to buy a new TV or computer, ask if it has PBDEs in it. If you have old furniture or carpeting, be very careful when you remove it. Tape off the area from the rest of your house. Furniture made prior to 2005 is loaded with it. Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum when you remove old carpeting. Keep your kids on new PDBE free carpet.

Topic: Terrible Toxins 3: Phthalates - Cosmetic Conundrum
Competency # 18 Environmental Toxins
Reference: The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

Here is where Europe and America really differ. Our FDA has very little authority over what is in "personal toiletries" whereas the Europeans have a "safety" approach. Our FDA's budget is around $ 36 million a year with just 30 employees to review and audit the safety of every product we put, pour, shake or apply to ourselves for personal self care. That includes everything from toothpaste to deodorant to shampoo and nail polish. The average American applies these products about 22-25 times a day. In Europe 1,000 chemicals have been banned, in America, just 9.

Because of that, the Environmental Working Group (EWG) was established in 2007 to review the 23,000 untested personal products used in America. 22,500 had at least one ingredient that had never been tested for safety that could be a concern. They found 400 products that had been banned in other countries. As one example, a product called DBP or dibutyl phthalate has been banned in Europe. When the FDA was alerted to that by the EWG, it did nothing. DBP is what makes nail polish soft and flexible. Did you also know that 61% of American lipsticks have some lead in them?

Ron Wyden, Senator from Oregon, tried to get a bill through Congress that required ingredients to be listed on all cosmetics. The bill was killed by chemical industry lobbying.

What do phthalates do? They make plastics soft and flexible. They also stabilize fragrances. Garden hoses, IV tubing, toys, room fresheners all contain phthalates. A sample test of toys at Walmart in 2008 found that soft baby toys contained up to 47% phthalates. They are everywhere.

And why are they problematic? Well, in rat models they mess up the reproductive organs. Different phthalates work synergistically to make what is called the phthalate syndrome of reproductive tract disorders. The "ano-genital distance" in rats is shortened. That's the distance, in rats, between the rectum and the ureter. Is that a problem in humans? We aren't sure. But 25% of American mothers have blood levels of phthalates similar to that of the rat experimental model. Have we had an increase in little boys with messed up genitals? Yes! That's the problem. In Europe phthalates are banned. In America, we still have them. It's not proven beyond a shadow of a doubt here. That's our standard. Do you want an absolute standard or a safety first model?

WWW: What will work for me. I found a data base where I can look things up. www.cosmeticsdatabase.com lists thousands of ingredients on many chemicals. I have started to look up some of my deodorants and toothpastes. We have a few rooms with nice fragrances in them. I need to look those up too, as many fragrances are stabilized with phthalates. We've bought glass containers for leftovers for our fridge as scratched plastics in the microwave really leak out large amounts of phthalates. Check out your soap, your containers, your nail polish, lipstick, perfume. Buy from organic pledged companies. The best defense is the informed consumer.

Topic: Terrible Toxins 2 Atrazine: How to Make Boy Frogs into Girl Frogs
Competency # 18 Environmental Toxins
Reference: The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

Canada has banned it, so has Europe. We know that those two have regulatory agencies that work from the premise of human safety first. Europe has its REACH legislation that requires chemical companies to prove that chemicals are safe before they can be put on the market. It's a small nuance, but the difference is huge in America. Here, we require our FDA to prove that harm is caused by the drug, and we don't require our chemical companies to share information that may lead to proof of that evidence.

What is atrazine? It's an unbelievably good herbicide. It kills weeds. It really works well. So well that 80% of our corn fields in the Midwest have it applied in the spring. It's applied in the spring, when it rains a lot. Some of the atrazine washes off into our ground water where we now have three parts per billion (ppb) in our ground water in many locations. Doesn't sound like much. But it has been found as high as 50 parts per billion in some monitoring sites. The EPA ruled that three ppb was the limit.

Here's the rub. An independent scientist, Tyrone Hays at Berkeley, has found that he can make boy frogs grow up to look like girl frogs with one-tenth parts per billion, way below the level the EPA says is our safety limit. He even found the enzyme it disrupts called aromatase. Atrazine turns on aromatase converting testosterone to estrogen. A real endocrine disruptor if we ever had one. He has proven that in many different fashions. Guess how the chemical industry replied? They got a bill slipped into a budget bill President Clinton signed called the Data Quality Act that requires the government to "ensure that the quality, objectivity, utility and integrity" of any regulation is up to scientific snuff. If you were a lawyer, you could then challenge each of those in court and tie up regulatory rulings by challenging the science. First you need some studies to show the opposite of what Tyrone Hays showed. Guess what has happened in the last five years? Of course, chemical company scientists have come up with a whole raft of studies that show no effect of atrazine. They can then tie up the regulations in court. Right out of the tobacco industry play book. Really well done! That's called corporate risk management.

In the meantime, our American sperm counts are going down, our breast cancer rates are going up, our fertility is changing, we have many more cases of testicular cancer and on and on. Are they related? We just don't know. But the difference between Europe and Canada and the USA could not be more stark. We go on the premise that our FDA has to prove, beyond a shadow of a legal doubt that a chemical is a problem. In Europe, the chemical company has to prove its products are safe before coming into the market. Where do you want to live?

WWW. What will work for me. I live in Milwaukee. I plan on not walking in unplowed fields in the spring. I will take off my shoes as I come in the house, as that is how we track atrazine indoors. I'm going to get a carbon filter for my water. I will write my congressman. I'm mad. I want clean water.

Topic: Terrible Toxins I
Competency # 18 TOXINS
Reference: The Body Toxic by Nena Baker, Published by Farrar, Strauss 2008

Ever heard the phrase, "Better Living Through Chemistry?" Of course you have. I've said it many times to myself as I gulp a Tylenol for a sore back. Have you ever been concerned that some of our chemicals may not be safe? Have you heard about persistent chemicals that remain in your body and have long-term effects? I want to learn this stuff so that I can keep my body safe and my family protected from hazards. What are the hazards? Here goes a series on toxins. I'll give you the basic concepts first.

First of all, what's a toxin. A poison, right? Take cyanide and in a few minutes you are dead because it poisons your cell's ability to use energy. The dose is the problem. The larger the dose, the faster you get in trouble. Same with snake venom, or carbon monoxide. Get enough of it and you get much sicker, faster. That's not the whole truth. If you focus on dose alone, you will miss some key concepts you need to understand. Toxins can act in other ways. They can change your gene action by acting like one of your hormones. In that way, you aren't exactly poisoned in a few minutes, but down the road bad things happen to you because of hormone action. This is called endocrine disruption. The chemical involved may not be used as a hormone, but its long-term action may result in a hormone-like effect on you.

Secondly, there is bioaccumulation. Some chemicals get concentrated up the food chain. That's how DDT got us in trouble. It was sprayed on crops to kill pests. It got into the water supply, was absorbed by tiny organisms that were then eaten by larger and larger fish or insects or birds until eventually it got to the top of the food chain and had extremely toxic effects. Wisconsin almost lost all its eagles because DDT made the egg shells become too thin and break easily. Banning DDT saved our eagles.

Aren't we meant to be protected by our government? Well, yes, we thought so. But we aren't. In fact, the well-intentioned TSCA (Toxic Substance Control Act) of 1976 gave the FDA supposed authority to review the 62,000 chemicals that we are all exposed to everyday. The devil was in the details: language that said that the FDA could not act unless the FDA could show that the benefits of restriction outweigh the costs of such restriction on business and society. Chemical companies were not required to find out if their chemicals were toxic. The burden of proof was on the FDA to find it, and then prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. As a result, the FDA has not banned one chemical since 1989. So 62,000 chemicals got grandfathered in with no testing at all. We have to find problems, one by one.

Europe is now doing it differently. Their new legislation is called REACH. What it requires is that chemical companies may sell a chemical only if they can prove it is safe first. The onus is on the chemical company to prove it. Not the FDA to find it after the fact. It's brilliant. We are behind in America. Is that a problem? Big time!

WWW: What Will Work for Me? I thought I was being protected. I'm not. More about this next week. We need to learn this together. It's you in the crosshairs...

Topic: De-Escalating the Protest Polka
Competency # 22 Social Wellness and Friendships
Reference: Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight - Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

The Protest Polka is one of Sue Johnson's "Demon Dialogues". It goes like this: "You are working too hard." (a protest). "But, I've got this big assignment...." (a defensive reply). And you are off to the races, polkaing together as you argue. What we learned last week was that a Demon Dialogue is really a cry for attention in which neither hears the other's attachment needs, loneliness and fears. What we really want from our partner is soothing attention and reassurance that we matter. How do we get to that when we are frantically dancing the Polka? How do we stop the insane Protest Polka and start down a new path to loving intimacy?

You have to De-Escalate. Here are Sue Johnson's Seven Steps in great brevity. These are the crib notes to tempt you to read more. When you find yourself in the Polka:

1. Stop the Dance. Someone needs to say, "Stop!". Instead of "You always do...." statements, start with "We" statements. You are both trapped in it. "We..."

2. Claim your own moves, your own dance steps. Each person has to name their own behavior. "I did this...." Was it an attack? Or was it a defensive reply? Neither is right because both just add flame to the fire. Claim your part with an "I".

3. Claim your FEELINGS. "I'm mad!" Both of you express your feelings about what you feel when you get in the give and take. You become more human.

4. Own how your behavior shapes your partner's feelings. "When I do this, I put you off balance and make you feel abandoned." That's ALWAYS true because our Demon Dialogues are always about attachment and intimacy. We are babies crying, with adult clothes on. Attachment feelings are that primal.

5. Ask your partner about their deeper feelings. "I hear you. When you get mad, it's really because you want my attention and my time. You don't want to think of being alone and abandoned." Simple as it sounds, it works every time.

6. Share your own Softer Feelings. Let your partner know that you are afraid, ashamed, angry. That's why you responded how you did.... Take the risk of confessing how you feel inside and really don't want your partner to feel left out. Your own struggle reveals your desire for relationship too.

7. Stand Together. Now you are on the same side of the table and working on a common problem. You become a couple. You see the Polka as the problem. You are in the dance because you are bonded and attached. You each own a bit of the other's soul. And that's what it is all about. Now, start the new story of how you are fixing your relationship so it doesn't get all mucked up with the craziness of the dance.

WWW: What will work for me. It isn't just your spouse. You have precious attachments in your life with friends and family too. Your ears will become expert and your love relationships will grow. I promise. Read the book!