How does my EAP work? Take these steps toward help
	Screening tools & information Tools to help you identify the problem
	Helpful articles, links & resources A library of online and print information
	Work-life services A healthy balance in a complex world
	Toolkits Managing stress and creating balance
	Return home Return to the Aurora EAP employee home page

Surviving the loss of a loved one

When someone we care about dies, our lives are changed forever.

When someone we care about dies, our lives are changed forever. The finality of the loss seems beyond our comprehension. Yet death is an inevitable part of everyone's life, and coming to terms with the loss is a task all of us must face eventually. Understanding the process can help us accept the death, work through our grief and sadness, and go on with our lives. Whether you are experiencing such a crisis first-hand, or are trying to help someone else cope with the death of a loved one, grief is a powerful teacher, and can help us grow in our compassion and understanding of ourselves and others.

It is important to remember that there is no timetable for grief. It is different for everyone. The feelings of loneliness and despair, painful as they are, are necessary to the healing process. Denying or suppressing these feelings will only delay your recovery.

How death affects survivors

After the death of someone close to you, it is normal to feel numb, as if you've been hit by a bombshell. You may find yourself unable to make decisions, or feel confused and distracted. Some people are able to maintain a facade of composure to hide their inner turmoil. It is also common to experience physical symptoms, such as nausea, fatigue and headaches.

After several weeks, most people feel at least an outward sense of normalcy returning. Then, without warning, the full depth of their loss may overwhelm them again with renewed intensity. Such relapses are even more disturbing, coming at a time when they feel they should be getting past their grief. Relapses are also common on the anniversary of the death.

Remember that these are all normal emotions, and they will not last forever. How long you feel them and how long it takes you to make peace with your loss varies with each individual, but there is no way to “short-circuit” the grief process. Plodding through the painful emotions takes time and work. When you emerge from it, you will still feel the loss, but with a greater sense of acceptance and the knowledge that you can carry on. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve in a way that is meaningful for you, whether it's spending time alone, listening to music, or reliving favorite memories.

When to seek help

Talking to friends and relatives about your loss is healing, and a way for you to honor and remember your loved one's significant place in your life. Sharing stories and memories with others who understand your sense of loss is comforting and reassuring. 

If you experience depression that is persistent and incapacitating, or feel unable to cope with your grief, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Your EAP can evaluate your situation and recommend options to help you regain a sense of control over your life. These may include a support group, informational resources, or a few sessions with a counselor experienced in guiding people through the grief process.

Call your EAP at (414) 257-2124 or 1-800-236-3231.

 

HOW YOU CAN HELP When faced with another's grief, you may want to help but are uncertain what to say or do. Know that your presence and expression of caring are what counts. The person in mourning needs someone to listen; what you say is less important than your willingness to listen and acknowledge their feelings. Don't minimize or dismiss the depth of their grief. Be there for the long haul, not just the funeral. After being overwhelmed with well-wishers immediately after the death, the grieving person may feel “abandoned” in the weeks and months that follow, when support and friendship are even more critical. Holidays and anniversaries can be especially lonely. Reach out to the bereaved person with an invitation, phone call or other remembrance.