How does my EAP work? Take these steps toward help
	Screening tools & information Tools to help you identify the problem
	Helpful articles, links & resources A library of online and print information
	Work-life services A healthy balance in a complex world
	Toolkits Managing stress and creating balance
	Return home Return to the Aurora EAP employee home page

Someone is watching you

What you do has a powerful impact on your children

Who were your childhood heroes? You could probably name several—political leaders, astronauts, baseball players, maybe a musician or actor. Yet a majority of 4th and 5th graders in a recent survey found it impossible to name a single role model. Even high-school students had a difficult time with that question. Of the children who said they did have role models,  the most frequent answer was their parents.

For this generation, unlike the past, problem behavior seems to attract more attention than exemplary conduct and noteworthy achievements. The media tends to glamorize wealth and power 
(by whatever means it's acquired), alcohol use, and sex, and the most famous athletes seem to be the rule-breakers, not the record-breakers. In the words of author and children's advocate Marian Wright Edelman, “Telling our children to ‘just say no' is hypocritical and useless while parent and other role models send cultural messages and provide examples that ‘say yes.'”

The good news is, while much of what our children are exposed to is beyond our control, the example we set is ours to create. Studies show that parents are by far the most important factor in shaping children's values and determining the kind of adults they will become. 

According to Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, “Our children watch us closely to see how we conduct our lives. They're quick to observe and imitate how we handle our disappointments, deal with our anger, solve our problems. As parents we have the opportunity to inspire our children every day, not only by what we say, but more importantly, by what they see us do.” Children have built-in lie detectors; they know immediately if your words are not consistent with your actions.

Sports provide ideal opportunities for teaching children life lessons—fairness, sharing, teamwork, goal-setting. Anger and frustration are a part of the game, but learning to deal with those feelings will help kids handle frustrations off the field as well. Much has been made in the news lately about angry parents at children's sporting events . . . parents who yell (or even attack) game officials for “bad calls,” vent their anger at the opposing team players and put unrealistic pressure on their children to perform to near-perfect standards. If adults can't deal adequately with frustration and put sports into their proper perspective, children have no positive models for how to handle their own disappointments and defeats.

Don't be discouraged if your children seem to be listening more to their friends and the media than to you. It's a normal part of growing up, especially the separation process of adolescents and even pre-teens, to appear to “tune out” parents and act as if they have nothing valuable to say. The truth is that children do care deeply about your beliefs, your opinions, and that your love for them is unconditional, even when their behavior is not always likable.

Children without strong parental guidance are more vulnerable to outside influences. Experts note that when children feel secure at home, with loving and caring parents, they're more capable of finding their own path and resisting peer pressure. By being a positive role model, you give your child the greatest gift of all—a strong sense of self and a sound inner compass to navigate the unpredictabilities of life.

Call your EAP at (414) 257-2124 or 1-800-236-3231.